What Makes You Come Alive

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
— Howard Thurman, quoted in Gil Bailie, Violence Unveiled (1995)

On October 22nd, we introduced Brené Brown’s ten guideposts for wholehearted living. Today we continue with Guidepost #9, Cultivating Meaningful Work, which invites us to let go of self-doubt and “supposed to’s.”

Brown’s research revealed something striking about gifts and talents. We all have them. And when we cultivate those gifts and share them with the world, we create a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. But here’s the uncomfortable part. Squandering our gifts doesn’t just feel like a missed opportunity. It shows up in our bodies and our moods. We feel disconnected, weighed down by emptiness, frustration, resentment, and even grief. Not using what we’ve been given isn’t neutral. It takes a toll.

So why do we hold back? Brown points to two culprits. Self-doubt. And “supposed to’s.”

The gremlins of self-doubt whisper that maybe everyone has special gifts except us. Or that what we do well isn’t really a gift, not big enough or important enough to count. Self-doubt undermines the process of finding our gifts and sharing them with the world. If developing and sharing our gifts is how we honour something sacred in ourselves, then self-doubt is letting fear undermine faith.

Then come the “supposed to’s,” the battle cry of fitting in, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and proving ourselves. You’re supposed to care about making money, not meaning. You’re supposed to hate your work. You’re supposed to choose between work you love and work that supports the people you love. These messages keep us small. They convince us that meaning is a luxury we haven’t earned.

But meaningful work doesn’t have to pay the bills. Some people have managed to align everything. Gifts, income, and purpose all in one career. But most of us piece it together. Brown met a woman at a conference who made beautiful jewelry. When Brown complimented her work, the woman blushed and said, “I’m not a real jeweler. I’m a CPA. I don’t make very much money doing that. I just do it because I love it.” Brown thought, “I’m wearing your earrings right now, not your abacus.” We dismiss what we love because it doesn’t pay. We call ourselves by our paycheque, not our gifts.

So what do we do with the gremlins? Brown says the real work is owning the messages that hold us back. What makes us afraid? What’s on our “supposed to” list? Who says? Writing down the gremlins’ taunts doesn’t give them more power. It gives us more power. It lets us say, “I see that I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

We spent years letting fear dictate our choices, numbing ourselves rather than risking the vulnerability of being seen. Coming alive means letting go of who we’re supposed to be and finding out who we actually are. It means trusting that the gifts we’ve been given are enough, and that sharing them matters, even if the world never applauds. The question isn’t what the world needs from us. The question is what makes us come alive.