FOMO

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
— Epicurus, Vatican Saying 35

Epicurus was a Greek philosopher who lived from 341 to 270 BCE and founded a school of thought that still bears his name. He taught that happiness comes not from chasing more, but from appreciating what is already here. While critics accused him of promoting hedonism, Epicurus actually taught the opposite—that lasting pleasure comes from simplicity and freedom from anxiety about things we cannot control.

The term FOMO—fear of missing out—was coined by Patrick McGinnis in 2004 to describe the persistent anxiety of believing other people are having better, more fulfilling experiences than we are. McGinnis documented in his 2020 book Fear of Missing Out how social media transformed an ancient human tendency into a modern epidemic, amplifying our capacity for comparison and discontent.

The paradox Epicurus identified 2,300 years ago remains. We spoil what we have by fixating on what we lack. But FOMO runs deeper than simple ingratitude. Research links it to a scarcity mindset—the belief that success and happiness are finite resources. If someone else gets more, there’s less for us. This zero-sum thinking turns life into a competition where we’re always losing.

FOMO often accompanies unmet psychological needs. Self-determination theory identifies three essential human requirements—competence (feeling capable), autonomy (experiencing choice), and relatedness (feeling connected). Research shows that people experiencing FOMO tend to have lower satisfaction of these needs. We scroll through feeds looking for proof that we’re successful enough, free enough, connected enough. The comparison mind insists that everyone else is living fuller lives. But when we compare our inner reality to someone else’s external performance, we will always lose.

The biological roots may run deeper still. Evolutionary psychologists suggest that humans evolved in small groups where exclusion could mean death. Our brains may still carry that ancient alarm system. When we see others connecting without us, a survival mechanism might kick in. The threat isn’t real anymore, but the anxiety persists, keeping us in hypervigilance, compulsively checking to see what we’re missing.

The irony is that FOMO makes us miss out on today. While worrying about what’s happening elsewhere, we abandon the moment we’re in. What we have now was once everything we hoped for. In active addiction, people desperately want to wake up without a hangover, to look at their phone without dread. Those in recovery are living the answer to those desperate wishes. Yet FOMO can make it feel like settling.

One antidote is an abundance mindset. There are enough opportunities for everyone. Someone else’s success doesn’t diminish ours. Their joy doesn’t subtract from our capacity for happiness. This shift from scarcity to abundance transforms FOMO—the recognition that there is plenty to go around.

JOMO—the joy of missing out—is the pleasure and contentment that comes from declining invitations without guilt, choosing to stay in rather than go out, being present where we are instead of wondering about elsewhere. JOMO means embracing what we’re doing (or not doing) right now and finding satisfaction in our own choices rather than comparing them to others. Missing out on some things creates space to be fully present for what matters most.

Gratitude is the anchor of this shift. What we have now was once among the things we only hoped for. Being well. Waking up clear-headed. Relationships that feel safe. These weren’t inevitable—they were fought for. The present moment holds more than we might notice.