“People often attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you really need to do, in order to have what you want.”
— Margaret Young
On October 22nd, we introduced Brené Brown’s ten guideposts for wholehearted living — daily practices that invite us to trade striving for self-connection, and performance for the simple act of being present. Today we begin with Guidepost #1: Cultivating Authenticity — Letting Go of What People Think.
Brown writes, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” It’s not something we have or don’t — it’s a conscious choice we make, again and again. Authenticity demands courage to be imperfect, compassion for our shared humanity, and connection grounded in the belief that we are enough.
But the culture we live in rewards performance. We’re taught to please, to polish, to hide our vulnerability. Authenticity, then, becomes an act of rebellion — “the audacity of authenticity,” Brown calls it. When we begin to live honestly, others may resist. Old roles get disrupted. Approval may fall away. Yet the cost of not being authentic is far greater. When we betray ourselves to be liked, the soul revolts. Anxiety, addiction, and resentment grow where truth should live.
Brown offers a mantra: “Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”
How do we practice this balance? Brown’s guidance is simple but challenging: make authenticity your goal, not approval. When we aim to be liked and get rejected, shame takes hold—we tell ourselves we’re not good enough. But when we aim for authenticity and others don’t like what they see, we can stay grounded. The goal itself protects us. If we’ve been real, we have nothing to regret.
This means cultivating the courage to be imperfect and set boundaries. It means exercising compassion—knowing we’re all made of strength and struggle. It means nurturing connection by believing we are enough.
The Steps offer one pathway: inventorying where fear has driven us (Step 4), practicing being seen (Step 5), and releasing people-pleasing while cultivating humility (Steps 6-7)—neither shrinking nor puffing up.
When authenticity becomes our practice, we may still get hurt, but we no longer live in hiding. Wholehearted living begins with the courage to show up, tell the truth, and trust that who we are is already enough.
Where in my life am I still performing instead of being?
What truth is waiting to be spoken aloud?
When do I shrink or puff up rather than standing on my sacred ground?
Can I let being real matter more than being liked?
